Reflections of an ESL Teacher

I'm not sure how to share this without sounding completely ignorant so for those of you with education backgrounds, bear with me.

A good friend emailed me a few weeks ago asking about the "real" experiences Chris and I have had as elementary teachers so far. She also asked about how I have seen myself progress as a teacher over the months and how I feel about that process. This sparked a lot of much overdue and necessary reflection on my part.

As I thought about myself as a teacher I started to get frustrated with my proclivity to organization. Over the last few months I have really gotten into a groove of how I like my classes to "work" and I've become meticulous about the material covered. Although I don't always have tangible lesson plans, I do have a somewhat unpolished plan in my head and seem to always have time against me. It's hard because in some classes we've been given very strict guidelines and time restrictions, however in other classes everything is very relaxed and open-ended.

My reading classes are on a stringent schedule which, in my opinion, is too intense for the students but I will do as I'm told, even if the poor students have no idea what is going on. My language classes are completely unrestricted - as long as I complete the book by February 2010. It's been very hard for me to find a balance between these two standards and I've naturally leaned toward the more restrictive schedule. I have found myself being in constant battle with the clock which in turn, makes me feel like a horrible teacher who can't accomplish anything. Don't get me wrong, I know that some of my students are fine with the fast-pace style and are actually excelling, but some of them are left in the dust and will be behind their peers.

I've found it extremely difficult to reach all students with varying English abilities in one short class. Haha, welcome to teaching, huh? I just can't imagine having more than ten students at one time; the vast difference in ability would be too hard to handle. I've been trying to reorganize my classes to include more time to discuss/chat/ask questions without losing focus on the reason the kids are here. It has been made clear to us that BIS is not a conversational school; it's very academically structured. I attended academically focused schools and I constantly compare myself to teachers who at the time I didn't necessarily like, but now am thankful for. I think that is the kind of teacher I want to be (as long as the kindergartners like me), yet still I learn something new everyday and am in constant transformation as an educator.

Although many aspects of this job are out of my hands, I have wishes for myself and the students, some are within reason and some are distant dreams that are impractical.

- I wish the classes were longer.
- I wish all students learned English at the same time - giving them a more even ability.
- I wish I had more time to focus on vocabulary and accurate comprehension.
- I wish the students didn't pick up bad habits from other academies and adults.
- I wish I knew a successful way to break those habits.

Despite my negative feelings and frustrations, I love my job. Around our sixth month mark, I had a couple of rough weeks (i.e. I was a grumpy, probably very ineffective, teacher). But since then I've really started to feel the pure happiness/excitement of our first few weeks in Korea (more on that later). I feel incredibly blessed to have a job that makes me want to be better, that tests my strengths and weaknesses, that consistently teaches me about myself and the unique cognition of children.